I’m Hannah. I love my friends. I look up to my big brother. I dance. I love to laugh. I don’t think I will ever be good enough. I have trust issues. People always let me down. I have values, and I actually follow them.Tumblr (3.0; @hmirkes19)http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0wvuqHNlK1qfhnhuo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21795074616http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21795074616Wed, 25 Apr 2012 15:19:17 -0400<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2p07teLYz1r7851to1_500.gif"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21366318634http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21366318634Thu, 19 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0400<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1o1s9aBT01r3e62yo1_500.gif"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21365681175http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21365681175Wed, 18 Apr 2012 23:46:15 -0400<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltauz1mRYV1r3gl3go1_500.png"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21365664096http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21365664096Wed, 18 Apr 2012 23:45:53 -0400<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2jie24VvQ1qiww0eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21365528133http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21365528133Wed, 18 Apr 2012 23:43:08 -0400<p>My name is Hannah and I suffer from invisible girl syndrome.</p> <p>I am a nobody; My dad is an alcoholic, my mom seems to have time for everybody but me, my brother is gone, and my friends don&#8217;t really care.</p> <p>If given the option, my own father would chose a bottle of brandy over me. For years I was able to hide his condition from my friends and neighbors, but by the time I got into high school he was too far gone. It was embarrassing. By my junior year I rarely ever went home. I used to spend hours sitting in my car at night in my own drive way because I never knew what I was coming home to. My dad is not a man, he is a soulless carcass of a body stumbling around full of liquor. </p> <p>My mom and dad always favorited my brother, which made logical sense to me because: they had to go to extraordinary measures just to conceive him, he was the first born therefore they&#8217;ve loved him longer, he is smart and for the most part problem free. Not saying that I&#8217;m okay with the favoritism but at least I understand that, what I do not understand is my own mother choosing her new boyfriend and his kids over me. She always used to tell my dad &#8220;Never make me choose between you and the kids, because you will lose.&#8221; She also used to comment on how she doesn&#8217;t understand women who choose their boyfriends over their children, and yet   these days I&#8217;m lucky if I can pull her away through a conversation she is having with her boyfriend through text messages. I just had surgery and instead of helping  me feel better, she is inviting her boyfriend and his kids over to eat a dinner that I can&#8217;t have nor am I even invited to sit with them at the table. Not to mention her job. My mom has always been a very hard working woman and I respect that, but what I do not respect is her leaving me with a drunk to go work simply because she doesn&#8217;t want to deal with him either. What I have a hard time dealing with is my own mother, the woman who gave birth to me, choosing everything over me especially when we used to be so close. It&#8217;s just not right.</p> <p>I used to be able to talk to my brother about anything and sometimes I still can talk to him about important things, but it&#8217;s just not the same. Ever since he got a girlfriend and moved to the big city I&#8217;ve gone down on his list of priorities which is fine I guess, but it still hurts to see him do stuff with his girlfriends siblings and not his own. The only time I really get to hang out with my brother and talk is if he is home and no one else is. But when he is home and everyone else is too, it&#8217;s like i&#8217;m not even there. Both him and my parents would rather spend time talking to his girlfriend. My mom even buys her better gifts than she buys me, like right now for instance: tomorrow is my 18th birthday and my mom still hasn&#8217;t gotten me anything and yet today she started asking me what to get for Hailey&#8217;s birthday next month, it&#8217;s like did you seriously just ask me that? Okay i&#8217;m rambling, but the point is I miss my big brother.</p> <p>In the last year or so things have drastically changed between my friends and I, now I feel like I don&#8217;t have any friends. I mean yeah we all still talk at school but that&#8217;s about it. They are all too busy with their boyfriends or whatever to even remember me outside of school. And yet it always seems like they still do things with each other, like they secretly hate me and think i&#8217;m annoying or something. My friends and I used to hang out all the time and would tell each other everything, and yet here I am a week after having surgery and still not a single one of them has said anything to me, I haven&#8217;t got a single text message or phone call or visit from a single one of them, and seeing as I still wont be in school tomorrow due to recovery I doubt a single one of them will remember that it&#8217;s my birthday. I&#8217;m just so alone all the time.</p> <p>I am a girl with serious depression/anxiety and since I had surgery on my throat it&#8217;s been 8 days since I&#8217;ve been able to take any of my antidepressant/ anti-anxiety pills. Now i&#8217;m even more dark and twisty inside than usual, I feel so alone and so bad that right now i&#8217;m wondering why i&#8217;m still alive. I have nothing going for me, and obviously no one seems to care about me so what am I still doing here? What is the point of living with this pain for one more day, or burden/annoy or whatever it is I do to people for one more day? Seems to me that everyone will do just fine without me, no one will miss me? And why would they, after all I am the invisible girl.</p>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21365328689http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/21365328689Wed, 18 Apr 2012 23:39:05 -0400<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lstbsy9s8h1qa1iiqo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15891992681http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15891992681Sun, 15 Jan 2012 12:29:49 -0500<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxdqh4gdll1qzabkfo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://fyeahtattoos.com/post/15559729509/for-my-dear-sister-done-by-my-friend-markus-i">fuckyeahtattoos</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>For my dear sister. Done by my friend Markus</p> <pre><em>i carry your heart with me(i carry it in</em><br/><em>my heart)i am never without it(anywhere</em><br/><em>i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done</em><br/><em>by only me is your doing,my darling)</em><br/><em>i fear</em><br/><em>no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want</em><br/><em>no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)</em><br/><em>and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant</em><br/><em>and whatever a sun will always sing is you</em><br/><br/><em>here is the deepest secret nobody knows</em><br/><em>(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud</em><br/><em>and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows</em><br/><em>higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)</em><br/><em>and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart</em><br/><br/><em>i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)</em></pre> </blockquote>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15740924284http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15740924284Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:30:37 -0500<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwhzlpWkic1qfoqggo1_500.gif"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15740407535http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15740407535Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:21:13 -0500<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwkeksXRJ51qbpwzeo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15740311516http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15740311516Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:19:26 -0500<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx41c7euL21r9s1mfo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15740023354http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15740023354Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:14:11 -0500<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxf2eu7W391qmbx4vo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ayevry.tumblr.com/post/15646118246/yeah-pretty-much">ayevry</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>yeah, pretty much</p> </blockquote>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15739921917http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15739921917Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:12:21 -0500<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxlxwn8Kyq1qdqpk1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15697221503http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15697221503Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:01:45 -0500http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15697197875http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15697197875Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:01:19 -0500<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxlxi0fAiG1qd08mjo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15697157905http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15697157905Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:00:37 -0500<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxl7qcUk5l1qe52v7o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15697104527http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15697104527Wed, 11 Jan 2012 19:59:41 -0500<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwhf8alPuH1qcnua2o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15697027368http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15697027368Wed, 11 Jan 2012 19:58:19 -0500<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwypg7SN4f1r6b7kmo1_250.gif"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwypg7SN4f1r6b7kmo2_250.gif"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwypg7SN4f1r6b7kmo3_250.gif"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwypg7SN4f1r6b7kmo4_250.gif"/><br/> <br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15696989154http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15696989154Wed, 11 Jan 2012 19:57:39 -0500<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxm0z6cfvv1r2sb6go1_500.png"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15696959579http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15696959579Wed, 11 Jan 2012 19:57:08 -0500<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxj2sdhM2I1r080nao1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15696753824http://hmirkes19.tumblr.com/post/15696753824Wed, 11 Jan 2012 19:53:32 -0500